Understanding Your Emotions After Loss: It’s Not Just Sadness
When someone you care about dies, you may find yourself riding a wave of emotions you never expected. Grief does not come in neat packages. You might feel fine one minute and completely overwhelmed the next.
1. You Can Feel Anything — And That’s Okay
There is no “right way” to grieve, no checklist of feelings you should have. Some common emotions include:
Sadness, tearfulness
Numbness or shock
Guilt or regret
Anger or frustration
Loneliness or emptiness
Anxiety or fear
Relief (especially if the person was suffering)
Confusion or disorientation
Even relief or peace can feel strange or “wrong” to feel — but those feelings are real and valid.
You may also notice that your emotions shift dramatically: one moment you're calm, then suddenly you're overcome. That fluctuation is totally normal.
2. Why Emotions Get So Messy
Grief affects all corners of your life — mental, emotional, physical. Some reasons things feel tangled:
Shock and disbelief. It can still feel unreal that someone is gone, even if you knew it was coming.
Unresolved feelings. There may be things you regret, things you wish you said, or things left unsaid.
Changes in your world. The person’s absence may shift family dynamics, routines, or roles.
Triggers everywhere. Birthdays, holidays, places, songs — these can all bring back strong waves of emotion.
Comparisons with others. You might feel pressure to "get over it faster" if someone else seems to handle it “better.” But everyone’s path is different.
3. Things You Can Do That Help
You don't have to just “ride the grief” without tools. Here are ways to care for yourself while grieving:
a) Express rather than suppress
Cry when you need to. Letting tears out can ease the pressure of holding things inside.
Journal or write letters. You might write to the person who died, telling them what you miss or how you’re feeling.
Create memory keepsakes. Photo albums, memory boxes, artwork — these let you hold onto positive memories.
b) Talk and share
Reach out to someone you trust. A friend, family member, teacher, youth worker — just having someone listen makes a difference.
Find peers who are grieving. Connecting with people your age going through similar pain can feel less isolating.
c) Be gentle with yourself
Don’t expect “normal” too soon. Grieving takes time, and “feeling better” might mean learning to live with the loss, not forgetting it.
Look after your body. Eat, rest, get fresh air or light activity. Emotions are tied to how your body is doing.
Give yourself permission to do ordinary things. It’s okay to go to school, hang out with friends, laugh, or have a break from grief.
4. Back to School, College or “Everyday Life”
Returning to routine (school, college, clubs) after a loss can be especially hard. Here are things that might make it easier:
Identify someone you can talk to (teacher, counsellor, youth worker) at your school or college.
Decide what to say to classmates/friends. You don’t have to share everything—maybe a simple, “My [person] died recently. I’m still dealing with how I feel.”
Be realistic about what you can manage. You might not be able to focus as well or be as social as before. Allow yourself some slack.
Check in with yourself often. Notice when things feel harder, and give yourself permission to rest or pull back if needed.
5. When It Feels Like Too Much
Sometimes, grief can feel overwhelming, and you may worry you can’t cope. If that’s happening:
Tell someone you trust — don’t carry it alone.
Seek counselling or therapy, especially if you feel stuck, hopeless, or unable to function.
Use helplines, youth support services, or crisis text lines.
You are not alone. Support exists, and people want to help.
6. Some Myths & Misunderstandings
Myth: “You should be over it by now.”
Truth: There’s no timeline for grief. Everyone’s journey is different.Myth: “If I’m not crying, I’m not really grieving.”
Truth: Some people don’t cry much or at all — grief shows up in many ways.Myth: “Grief means only sadness.”
Truth: You can feel relief, anger, guilt, peace, confusion — sometimes all at once.
Losing someone is a painful experience — but grief is also a signal of how much someone meant to you. Your emotions, however messy they feel, are part of how you make space for that loss in your life.
You don’t have to “solve” grief. What helps is being patient with yourself, reaching out, and letting your emotions have voice — in writing, in art, or in sharing. Over time, the intensity of the shock may ease, but memories and love can remain in new forms.
If you ever feel overwhelmed or like you can’t manage on your own, please reach out — to a trusted adult, a counsellor, or a helpline. You deserve help, and you don’t have to go through this alone.