Bereavement
When someone we know dies we can feel a big range of emotions. Many people feel confused, sad, lonely, numb, guilty, upset, angry, unable to cope, anxious, tearful, depressed, despairing, and/or jealous of others.
Visit Young Minds for more advice and information. If you need urgent support with your mental health, you can text YM to 85258 for free support, any time of the day.
There is no right or wrong way to feel. Whatever you feel is right for you. Many people feel confused and ‘all over the place’, okay one minute then not okay again. Some people cry – a lot. Some people don’t cry very much.
Sometimes we are relieved that someone has died, that they are no longer in pain, maybe you are relieved that they can no longer hurt you, or that we are no longer ‘waiting for them to die.' These feelings are complicated, but they are okay.
All of this is ‘normal’ because there is no ‘normal’ when it comes to experiencing the death of someone in your life.
One minute the person is there, and the next they have gone, so even if we felt prepared it is still a life changing experience.
Maybe the person died unexpectedly of an illness or accident, so you may have lots of things that you are worried about or regret. Or you may have ben waiting a while for them to die, dreading the day it finally happens, and then when it does happen it doesn’t feel real.
Maybe your brother or sister has died, your mum might have had a baby that died when they were born. These are very difficult situations for you and your family. You might be worried about upsetting your parents, but you are important so make sure you tell someone how you feel.
The person who has died might have been a friend of yours, someone your own age, or it might have been your grandparent or parent. You will react differently depending on what your relationship with the person was so don’t compare your response to others.
Everyone has different life experiences, so you can’t compare the way you react to the way someone else does. You are the only person who knows how you feel. If your emotions become overwhelming and you feel like you can’t cope it is important to talk to someone about it. Getting support from other people your age who are grieving might be good though, knowing you are not alone can help.
Lots of young people say they felt scared, wonder ‘why me?’ experience feeling panicky, sad, and guilty. One young person said “however strong you are, it’s not like a normal strength you have to have”.
If you are experiencing a bereavement
Whatever you are feeling is ok. There is no right or wrong way to feel when someone dies.
If you are struggling because you can’t concentrate find a trusted adult you can talk to.
If things are getting too much and you just feel like you cant cope talk to someone as soon as possible.
Don’t fight the feelings. If you are tearful its ok to cry (something might remind you of the person who has died, or you just might burst into tears on the bus for no reason)
Make a memory book or write letters to the person who has died, letting them know what you’ve been up to and how you are feeling.
Keep a journal or make photo albums or folders in your phone with special memories or text messages in that you can read if you are feeling down.
Being creative is a good way to express your feelings, try writing poems or stories, drawing, singing - whatever works for you.
Your feelings will change and may be more difficult at times like birthdays, anniversaries, or religious festivals that you and your family and friends celebrate.
Find other young people who are also grieving
What about other people?
When someone dies it can feel like nobody knows what to say. This might be because people are worried that they will upset you, they could feel sad themselves, or just don’t know how to say sorry. Lots of people say that people act different around them when someone has died, this can make you feel even more alone.
This can leave the grieving person feeling lonely, disregarded, confused, ignored, or unable to express their feelings. They might even feel frightened that people don’t want to be their friend anymore, when really we should want the person to feel the opposite of all those things. If you know someone who is grieving try and be ‘normal’ but remember the person is going through a really difficult time.
When will I feel better?
It might take you a few weeks or months to start feeling ‘back to your old self’. Grief is not something that just goes away, it is something that we learn to live with. This might sound scary but it will happen with time.
Soon after the death you might feel:
panicky, angry, stressed, sad, anxious, lonely, sick, frustrated, tired all the time, overwhelmed, jealous, scared, or confused. This might last for a few days, a few weeks or months. Everyone is different so don’t worry or feel like you aren’t ever going to feel better just because someone else says you should.
Who else can help me?
If you are feeling overwhelmed or unable to cope it’s important that you have someone you can turn to for support. This might be a family member or friend, or even your pet. If things still feel too much and you need someone outside home you can speak to a trusted adult, or you could call a helpline to talk to someone anonymously. Café Create has Youth Workers and Counsellors available for support every day of the week. Ask at school if there is a Youth Worker or counsellor you can talk to in confidence.
The most important thing is to share how you feel, don't struggle on your own. You might want to find a support group or get some counselling.
Young people we’ve supported talk about some of the difficulties and what helped them after the death of their mum or dad. For more from Child Bereavement UK check out their YouTube channel.
Going back to school, college or Uni after someone has died.
Returning to normal things like school, college or uni after someone has died especially someone really close to you like a parent, guardian or family member can be a really difficult thing to do. Some people might feel ready to return really quickly whilst others may take a long time to feel able to manage again.
No matter how long ago the person died going back to normal life may be tricky for some time so it’s helpful to think about what you need to help returning to school, college or uni more manageable.
Have someone you can talk to
All schools, colleges and uni’s have designated staff who you can talk to. For young people attending Wirral Secondary Schools, HSIS Youth Workers may be able to talk to you about how you are feeling and or support you to find more support. It doesn’t have to be staff but making sure you have someone you can talk to is really helpful in making returning more manageable.
Think about what you will say to your friends
It can be helpful to have a few answers in your head for when someone asks you what happened or where you have been an example might be something like “My dad died of cancer last week. I’m not really sure how I’m feeling right now but I’ll give you the heads up if I feel ok to talk about it.”
Be kind to yourself
It can take a long time to feel ok. Grief takes a lot of mental, emotional and physical energy and it affects every part of your life. Listen to how you are feeling and take some steps to look after yourself.
Further Support
Response Counselling Service
The Response counselling service works with young people aged 13-18. It is a free confidential service working with young people with moderate to severe issues which include suicide ideation, self harming, depression, high levels of anxiety bereavement etc.
We also work with the Response Alcohol and drugs team as many referral come for both services. Our work is separate from but alongside CAMHS, sharing risk between the 2 services. The referral system is usually by filling in a referral form and sending it by email unless it’s a parent referring and we can take it over the phone. We can only accept referral if it’s with the consent of the young person.
If a young person mentioned suicide then it’s fine for a worker to talk with them but it does need referring on, talking about suicide will never increase the risk of a young person taking their own life.
Self harm can include many ways , it is a physical way of dealing with an emotion. Again it needs referring on as stopping a young person from harming themselves isn’t going to deal with why they are having to do it.
Response coordinator 01516664123/3783 email barrymarsden@wirral.gov.uk
Emergency-ring 999
Present at Arrowe Park Hospital Liaison and psychiatry.
24 hour mental health line 03003033972 any age.
CAMHS advice and duty line 0151 488 8453
Health Services in Schools Youth Workers
HSIS Youth Workers support young people in Wirral Secondary Schools, Wirral Sixth Form College and Wirral Met College.
Each school/college has a designated HSIS Youth Worker that provides young people with an opportunity to access confidential support on any issues which may be affecting them.
We provide support to young people on a wide range of issues and topics such as: building resilience, reducing risks, healthy relationships, sexual Health (including issuing condoms in some schools) drugs, alcohol, emotional health, Stress and Anxiety.
To find your youth worker visit their page.
Child Bereavement UK
Child Bereavement UK helps children, parents and families to rebuild their lives when a child grieves or when a child dies. We support children and young people up to the age of 25 who are facing bereavement, and anyone impacted by the death of a child of any age.
Child Bereavement UK provides training to professionals in health and social care, education, the voluntary and corporate sectors, equipping them to provide the best possible care to bereaved families.
We provide confidential support, information and guidance to individuals, families and professionals throughout the UK. Our support team is available to respond to calls, Live Chat or email from 9 am - 5 pm Monday to Friday (except bank holidays). We provide:
A confidential listening service
Support, guidance and information
Details about the support Child Bereavement UK can offer
Signposting to other organisations that can also offer support
Live Chat via www.childbereavementuk.org
Email support@childbereavementuk.org
Helpline 0800 02 888 40
Find out more about our Helpline.
Cruse Bereavement Care
The Cruse Bereavement Care Freephone National Helpline is staffed by trained bereavement volunteers, who offer emotional support to anyone affected by bereavement. We’ll give you space to talk about your bereavement and how you’ve been coping. Our volunteers are completely non-judgemental and won’t share what you’ve told them with anyone else, except in certain circumstances.
his helpline is open Mon - Fri 9.30am- 5pm (excluding bank holidays), with extended hours on Tues, Wed & Thurs evenings till 8pm.
Call 0808 808 1677
Dove Service
Our Vision
To enable people who are experiencing bereavement, life changing illness or significant loss, to receive the highest quality of care and support to understand their grief and cope with their loss.
Our Mission
We deliver our vision by providing counselling and group support activities to anyone who is or could be affected by bereavement, life changing illness or other significant loss.
Our Team
We have a staff team of 50 people, including our administrative team, finance officer, project workers, and sessionally paid counsellors, as well as a team of 18 volunteers. As an organisation we think investing in the development of the counselling profession is really important and so we take on a small number of placement counsellors every year. Each of our placement counsellors is matched with a more experienced mentor from within our counselling team.
If you are located within our Catchment Area please call us on 01782 683155
KOOTH (Online counselling)
Free, safe and anonymous online support for young people
Monday – Friday 12pm – 10pm
Saturday – Sunday 6pm – 10pm
SHOUT
Shout is an affiliate of Crisis Text Line® in the UK that provides free, confidential support, 24/7 via text. It’s the first free 24/7 texting service in the UK for anyone in crisis anytime, anywhere. Shout is available in England, Scotland, Wales, and Northern Ireland
Text SHOUT to 85258 in the UK to text with a trained Crisis Volunteer
or
Text BLUE to 85258 to get resources and sign posting information.
Every texter is connected with a real-life human being trained to bring people from a hot moment to a cool calm place through active listening and collaborative problem-solving. All of our Crisis Volunteers donate their time to helping people in crisis.
Action for Children (Counselling)
Best start in life
We know how important the early years are - and we’re here to help. From parenting advice to education and early intervention, we focus on improving children’s life chances.
Good mental health
Everyone has ups and downs in life. Our mental and emotional well-being experts work with families and schools to make sure children and parents feel able to cope with challenges when they arise.
A safe and loving home
We make sure more children feel part of a family that cares for them. We find homes for those without, protect children who have been abused or neglected, and help ensure young carers don’t miss out on a childhood.
Action for Children HSIS Counselling Service are in 10 school across Wirral listed below. Self-referrals are accepted through the school pastoral team in each school.
Missing a special person? Separated by distance, family breakdown, death of a loved one/pet? Overwhelmed by school pressure, peer pressure, expectations? Come and talk to us. We are Action for Children, working in partnership with Wirral Schools. We will listen to your thoughts and feelings and help you to express and explore them. You decide what to say and do - no problem is too big or small. We are here for you.
HSIS Counselling Schools:
Weatherhead High School
Ridgeway High School
St Anselm’s
Birkenhead Academy
St John Plessington Catholic College
Wirral Grammar School for Girls
Woodchurch High School
Oldershaw Academy
West Kirby Grammar School
South Wirral
YoungMinds Crisis Messenger
Provides free, 24/7 text support for young people across the UK experiencing a mental health crisis.
All texts are answered by trained volunteers, with support from experienced clinical supervisors.
Texts are free from EE, O2, Vodafone, 3, Virgin Mobile, BT Mobile, GiffGaff, Tesco Mobile and Telecom Plus.
Texts can be anonymous, but if the volunteer believes you are at immediate risk of harm, they may share your details with people who can provide support.
Text: YM to 85258
Opening times: 24/7
CAMHS Advice and Duty Line
This site was created for young people, carers and professionals to pool together lots of helpful resources from across the internet.
24 hour mental health line 0800 145 6485 any age.
WEB Merseyside
A community organisation supporting local men, women and children.
Community support
Telephone: 0151 653 3771
Email: info@webmerseyside.org
hatch
hatch is here to make sure that you have emotional wellbeing support.
Much of the time we are not born with the innate ability to cope with these things on our own.
This is where we can help. hatch provide 1-1 sessions to help develop a range of skills and strategies that can have a positive impact on your mental health and wellbeing. Our volunteer mentors support you to complete a computerised CBT skills intervention called Bazaar -that explores which things work best for you. CBT stands for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, which sounds pretty intimidating. What it actually means is learning a way of thinking that helps us face tough times in a positive way.
hatch support Wirral Young People aged 11 -16yrs
To get in touch about accessing hatch please head to our website and complete a referral form via our 'Get in touch' page.
Access is free and immediate.
Twitter: @hatchmerseyside
Instagram: @hatchmerseyside
Website: hatchmerseyside.co.uk