Counselling

Counselling - what’s it all about?

If you have been thinking about your emotional well-being you might have already looked at information on self-help, to support you with how you feel, or maybe for some ideas on how to manage a situation or relationship. This can often help you resolve things. If not, you might be considering some counselling as another option. You might have a few questions about how it works and if it’s for you. We hope this can help you decide.

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“I worry about everything,” “I don’t know how to make things change”

Why would I talk to a Counsellor?

We’re all hearing a lot more about talking to each about our feelings, especially during the pandemic, but what’s the difference in talking to a friend or family member and talking with a counsellor? As friends or family members our first response can often be to reassure or give solutions. We may feel differently about the situation you want to talk over and sometimes, this can make things a bit more complicated. You may want to talk things through without being worried about how somebody may react to what you need to say. You may also feel that you don’t want to worry someone with how you feel or simply find it difficult to tell someone you’re close to. Counsellors are there to listen, but they won’t have a personal involvement in your situation, so they will respond differently to what you have to say.

What happens?

Counselling is often described as a talking therapy or a process which can bring about change… but what does that mean exactly?
In counselling, people can talk about their experiences and the counsellor will listen to your story.
They may say things like ‘can you tell me a bit more about that’ or ‘how did that make you feel’.
They will often check with you, their understanding of what you’ve said. This is to make sure they have understood correctly but also, because this gives you the chance to consider your words and recognise how you feel.
The counsellor may also ask you some ‘why’? questions (why do you think that? / what makes you say that?) which can sometimes be difficult to answer, as you may not know why, that’s why you’re there isn’t it!
But all of this should be done in a sensitive and supportive way, to help you explore and understand your own thoughts and feelings better.
Simply, it’s about giving you an opportunity to talk to someone and clear your mind.
You can tell them how you feel and they won’t get upset or angry with you, but they will listen and try to help you work difficult things out. They won’t judge you or make you feel embarrassed and when you’re ready, maybe help you find some solutions which are right for you.
Feelings and emotions can be difficult to identify, and we often prefer to concentrate on the good ones and ignore the rest. But our feelings are there to tell us something - even if we don’t like them! Holding onto or ignoring our feelings, can make us feel anxious, affect our moods, our ability to sleep and our general wellbeing.
When this happens, we can feel overwhelmed and find it difficult to help ourselves.
So, feelings and emotions are discussed in counselling (quite a bit!) and that is to help you become more comfortable with them and understanding of them. Identifying how we feel about something or someone can make a big difference.
Counselling is not about giving you advice or making decisions for you.
It is about listening to you, helping you identify what options you have and maybe making decisions for yourself. Sometimes you might want to ask the counsellor: “what do you think I should do?” … and just asking this question can make you realise how stuck or confused you feel. In counselling, it also gives you the opportunity to consider things and then make a choice for yourself.
Counselling and CBT are both types of therapy and tend to be the main one’s people have heard of.
They may use different strategies or techniques but there might be some similar ones too and some counsellors or therapists will be able to adapt their skills, to suit the person they are working with.
Counselling:
You might choose to have counselling if you are trying to manage difficult circumstances in life. Maybe if something has happened that can’t be changed (like a bereavement) and you’re finding it hard to cope with your feelings.
Or if you’re finding a situation stressful and you’re not sure how to change things or even if you want to (like with a difficult relationship). Counselling can also be helpful if you are not sure what the problem is and can give you the time and space to work through these things and your feelings about them.
Confidentiality:
When you speak to a counsellor in a young people’s agency, they will talk to you about confidentiality and their role in keeping you safe.
You may be a little worried about this but it’s important that you understand what it means for you. So always check with them and ask questions if you’re not sure.
With both counselling and CBT - it’s worth considering your own involvement too. What’s right for you could depend on many things, even practical ones like when, where and how it takes place.
Check out what you need to know beforehand, to help you make your decision. Realistically, if you’re not fully decided you may well put it off so, here are some questions to help you decide:
• How do you want it to help you?
• Will things get better if you do nothing?
• Would you put aside the time for sessions even if you have other commitments (like school/college/ work)
If you are thinking of accessing support, you don’t need to put your life on hold but it’s useful to think about your own expectations. There are many options available now - face to face, on-line, telephone or video calls and messaging sessions. *Check with individual services for what they can offer.
It can be easier to find reasons not to ask for, or accept, emotional support; even when you’re really struggling. Embarrassment, not knowing where to begin, concerns about what people would think, not enough time to fit it in, deciding it’s not going to help anyway. But you only need one good reason to give it a try.
If you do decide to try counselling, maybe consider it a starting point for you and, as a conversation - to be continued...