Relationships

A healthy relationship feels good and safe for both of you. It’s built on a few simple things that really matter when you’re a teenager.

Respect
You treat each other as equals. You listen to what the other person thinks and you accept when they say “no” to anything – holding hands, kissing, or more. No one should ever pressure you.

Talking honestly
You can tell each other how you feel without being laughed at or ignored. You talk about what you like and what you don’t like. When you argue, you stay calm and sort it out instead of shouting or being mean.

Trust
You believe what your partner says. You don’t feel you have to check their phone or ask where they are all the time. Being jealous sometimes is normal, but controlling someone or spying on them is not okay.

Having your own life
You still see your mates, play your sport, or do your hobbies. A good partner doesn’t try to take up every minute of your day. Spending time apart is healthy.

Consent
Any kissing, cuddling, or anything more only happens when you both really want it – every single time. You can always change your mind and say no, and that has to be respected.

Being equal
You both have a say. One person doesn’t boss the other around or always decide what you do.

Feeling happy and safe
A good relationship makes you feel better about yourself, not worried or sad most of the time. If someone makes you feel scared, worthless, or controlled, that’s a big warning sign.

Healthy relationships take practise and they’re not perfect, but they should never hurt you or frighten you. If something feels wrong, talk to a friend, a teacher, parent or youth worker. Click Get Support for more information

Starting a new relationship can feel exciting but also a bit scary. You have to work out what it means for both of you.

Real relationships are not like films or books, they take effort. Here are some key things to know as a teenager.

Keep Talking
You need to chat openly about what the relationship means to each of you. This works for all types, like casual or non-monogamous ones. If one of you wants to see other people and the other does not, it might not work out.

Does this feel right for you?

Every relationship is different. There is no set plan. Questions like these have no one answer:

• Are we going too fast?

• When do we meet friends or family? Is it time to be official?

• How much time should we spend together?

Talk to your partner about what you both expect. Check in now and then to make sure you are both happy. Your ideas might change over time, and that is fine.

Does it fit in with your life?
A relationship should add to your life, not take it over. Keep doing your hobbies and things you enjoy – they make you who you are. No one person can make you happy all the time.

If you feel worried when they are not around, or check your phone too much, take time for yourself.

Try a new hobby, see old friends, or spend time with family. Tell your partner why this matters so they understand.

Make sure you also make time for friends
Friends are there for you, especially at school or college. They might worry you will forget them now you have a partner.

Reassure them they are still important. If you are busy, suggest another time to meet. Keep them in your life. They can listen if things get tough or help spot if something is not right.

Put yourself first sometimes
It is nice to do things for your partner, like watching their favourite film or helping with problems. This helps you get to know them. But they should do the same for you.

Do not always put their needs before yours. If they ask too much, it is okay to say no and explain why. Every couple has boundaries about what they will and will not do.

New relationships take time to learn, and they are not perfect. But they should feel good and fair. If something does not feel right, talk to a friend, teacher, parent or youth worker.

When you’re dating someone or in a casual relationship, it should feel good most of the time. If something starts to feel off or wrong, those are red flags. Here are the main ones to watch out for.

Moving way too fast
Loads of compliments, big presents, or talking about being together forever after just a few days can feel exciting, but it’s often a trick to make you ignore other warning signs.
What to do: Say you want to slow down. If they get upset or pushy, that’s another red flag.

Putting you down
Comments that make you feel stupid, ugly, or not good enough – even if they say “it’s only a joke” – are meant to chip away at your confidence.
What to do: Tell them to stop. If they keep doing it, walk away.

Keeping you hanging on
They only message now and then, like your posts but never make proper plans, or say they’re busy every time you try to meet up. What to do: Stop waiting. You deserve someone who actually makes time for you.

Making you doubt your own mind
Telling you “that never happened” or “you’re being dramatic” when you know something did happen.
What to do: Trust yourself. Talk to a friend to check you’re not going mad – you’re probably not.

Controlling jealousy
Getting angry about who you talk to, what you wear, or what you post online.
What to do: You’re allowed your own life. If they can’t accept that, they’re not right for you.

Bossing you about
Telling you who you can see, where you can go, or checking your phone. This is controlling behaviour and it can get worse.
What to do: Speak to a trusted adult as soon as you can.

Red-flags are your warning system. You don’t have to put up with any of them. If several of these feel familiar, it’s okay to end things, your safety and happiness come first.

Visit the Get Support page for more information on services that can help you.

What does consent really mean?
Consent means a clear, happy “yes”. It means “I want to”, “I agree”, and “I’m sure”.

Anything less than that is not consent.

In a sexual relationship – whether you’ve just got together or you’ve been a couple for ages – consent has to happen every single time.

Key things to remember

• Being someone’s boyfriend, girlfriend or partner does not give you automatic rights to their body. Ever.

• A yes today does not mean yes tomorrow. People can change their mind at any moment – even during sex – and that’s completely okay.

• If your partner says no, stops, pushes you away, goes quiet, or just looks unsure, you must stop straight away. No questions, no sulking, no trying to change their mind.

• If someone is drunk, high, or too tired to know what’s happening, they cannot give proper consent. It’s against the law to carry on.

How to get it right

• Ask simple questions like “Is this okay?” or “Do you want to keep going?” It shows you care.

• Look at their face and body. Are they smiling and relaxed, or do they look worried, nervous or uncomfortable?

• Check how you feel too. Are you happy and excited, or do you feel unsure or pressured? If you’re not okay with it, say so.

• If you’re not 100 % sure they want to, don’t do it. It’s always safer to stop and check.

Why it matters

Consent keeps everything fair, kind and fun. Ignoring a no – even if you’re upset or disappointed – can break the law and destroy trust forever.

Good relationships are built on respect and trust. Listening when someone says no is one of the biggest ways to show you respect them.

If anything ever feels wrong or someone ignores your boundaries, visit the Get Support page for more information on services that can help you.

You deserve to feel safe and respected every single time.

Abuse doesn’t only happen to adults. It can happen in teenage relationships too, and it’s more common than most people think.

Around 40% of young people experience some form of relationship abuse while they’re still at school or college. Abuse isn’t just hitting or pushing. It can be lots of different things that make you feel scared, trapped, or worthless.

Common signs of an abusive relationship

• They try to control you: telling you what to wear, who you can talk to, or where you can go.

• They check your phone, social media, or messages all the time.

• They stop you seeing your friends or family.

• They pressure or force you into kissing, touching, or sex when you don’t want to.

• They call you names, put you down, or make fun of you in front of others.

• They get angry or scary if you say no to anything.

• They threaten to hurt you, your pets, your family, or themselves if you don’t do what they want.

• They make you feel like everything is always your fault.

• You feel frightened of them or like you’re “walking on eggshells”.

Important facts

• It can happen to anyone – boys, girls, non-binary young people, in straight or same-sex relationships.

• It’s never your fault, even if they say it is.

• Having an older partner can sometimes make the risk higher.

• Sexual pressure or violence is more common in teen relationships than many adults realise.

What to do if it’s happening to you or a friend

You don’t have to put up with it. You deserve to feel safe.

• Tell someone you trust – a friend, parent, teacher, or another adult.

• In an emergency (if you feel in danger right now) call 999.

• For non-emergencies you can call police on 101 or report online.

• You can talk anonymously to Crimestoppers on 0800 555 111.

• If you’re worried about a young person, adults can contact children’s services for help.

Visit the Get Support page for more information on services that can help you. You are not alone, and there is help when you’re ready.