Divorce

When your parents decide to split up or get divorced, it means they’ve chosen not to live together anymore. This might feel scary, confusing, or even a little bit of a relief, especially if they’ve been arguing a lot. You might not understand all the reasons why, and that’s okay.

What’s most important is knowing that it’s not your fault, and your parents still love you.

When your parents decide to split up or get divorced, it means they’ve chosen not to live together as a couple anymore. This can be a big change, and it might feel scary, confusing, upsetting—or even a bit of a relief if things at home have felt tense or stressful. However you feel, it's okay.

You might not know all the reasons why your parents are separating, and that’s completely normal. Sometimes even parents struggle to understand or explain it all. What’s really important is knowing it is never your fault. You didn’t cause it, and there’s nothing you could have done to stop it. And even though your parents won’t be together anymore, they both still love you just as much as they always have.

Parents might choose to separate or divorce for lots of different reasons. Sometimes they argue a lot or find they no longer get along like they used to. Other times, they grow apart, have different plans for their lives, or feel they can’t be happy together anymore.

Some common reasons include:

• Arguments that keep happening and never get resolved.

• Feeling unhappy or unsupported in the relationship.

• Money problems or stress at home.

• One or both parents falling out of love.

• Wanting to live in different places or have different goals.

It’s a decision that’s based on their relationship with each other, not anything a child has done or said.

Divorce is a legal process where married people officially end their marriage. If your parents weren’t married, they might still go through a separation, which means they agree to live apart and share parenting responsibilities in new ways.

Here’s what might happen:

• They will talk about living arrangements, like who lives where and when you’ll spend time with each parent.

• They’ll make decisions about money, belongings, and sometimes pets.

• They may go to court or talk with lawyers if they can’t agree on things. But many families try to work things out calmly through something called mediation—a way of talking things through with help.

During this time, you might hear words like “custody”, “access”, or “residence”. These just mean who you’ll live with and when you’ll see each parent. You should have a chance to say how you feel about these decisions, too.

When your parents separate, life can feel different for a while. It’s normal to go through a mix of emotions and changes. Some things you might experience include:

🏠 Moving House

You might move to a new house or go between two homes—one with each parent. This can feel strange at first, but lots of children find they adjust over time. You might even get to help decorate your new room or bring your favourite things between homes.

⏰ New Routines

You may spend weekdays with one parent and weekends with another, or swap every few days. It might take a little while to get used to a new schedule, but knowing when and where you’ll be can help you feel more secure.

👨‍👩‍👧‍👦 Two Families

Sometimes a parent might start seeing someone new or even remarry. This could mean you gain a step-parent or step-siblings. At first, this can feel like a lot—but it’s okay to take your time getting to know new people.

💬 Dealing with Emotions

You might feel sad, angry, confused, or even hopeful all at once. You might cry one day and laugh the next. That’s all completely normal. Talking to someone you trust—a parent, teacher, counsellor, or friend—can really help. So can writing in a journal or doing things you enjoy.

🤝 Supporting Each Other

If you have siblings, you might find comfort in talking with them—they’re going through this too. If you’re an only child, friends or trusted adults can be a big support. Remember, you don’t have to go through this alone.

When your parents separate or divorce, it’s completely normal to have a lot of different feelings – and sometimes all at once. Everyone reacts in their own way, and there’s no “right” way to feel. You might notice your emotions changing from one day to the next, or even throughout the same day. That’s okay.

Here are some of the common feelings you might have:

• Sad – You might feel upset because things are changing and you miss how life used to be. It’s okay to feel like something important has been lost.

• Angry – You might feel angry with your parents, the situation, or even just frustrated that your life is being turned upside down. That anger might come out in ways you don’t expect, like snapping at people or wanting to be left alone.

• Confused – You may not fully understand why your parents are splitting up, especially if they haven’t shared many details. You might wonder what will happen next or why this is happening to your family.

• Worried – Big changes can make you feel anxious. You might worry about where you’ll live, whether you’ll have to move schools, or if both parents will still be involved in your life. You might also worry about your parents and whether they’re going to be okay too.

• Guilty – Some young people think it’s their fault their parents have separated, especially if they’ve overheard arguments about school, money or family. But remember: divorce is a grown-up decision, and it is never caused by anything a child or young person has done.

• Relieved – If your home life has felt tense or filled with arguments, you might actually feel a bit of relief. That’s okay too. It can be a sign that you’re hoping things will feel calmer and happier soon.

These feelings might come and go, like waves. You might feel okay one moment and upset the next. That’s completely normal. What’s important is knowing that your emotions are valid and there are ways to talk about them and feel better.

You are not alone, and there are people who care and want to support you.

There are lots of healthy ways to cope when you’re feeling sad, angry, or unsure. Everyone is different, so try out what works best for you.

🗣 Talk to someone – Sharing how you feel can make a big difference. You could speak to a parent, a teacher, a school counsellor, or another trusted adult. Even chatting to a close friend, a sibling, or your pet can help you feel less alone. Chat to your HSIS Youth Worker

❓ Ask questions – If you don’t understand something, ask. It’s okay to be unsure. You might want to know who you’ll live with, when you’ll see each parent, or how things will work at school. Adults might not have all the answers straight away, but asking shows that you care and want to understand.

✍️ Write or draw your feelings – If talking feels too hard, try writing in a notebook, drawing a picture, or creating something that shows how you feel. You don’t have to share it with anyone unless you want to.

🎵 Do things you enjoy – Whether it’s listening to music, playing a sport, reading a book, drawing, gaming, or hanging out with your friends—doing something fun can help lift your mood and take your mind off worries.

🛌 Look after your body and mind – Try to eat regular meals, get enough sleep, and move around a bit each day. Even a short walk or a few minutes of stretching can help you feel better inside and out.

🧠 Remember it’s not your fault – This is really important. Parents separate because of things happening between them, not because of anything their child said or did. No matter what, you are not to blame.

📞 Ask for help if you need it – If you’re feeling overwhelmed, reach out. Talk to someone you trust, or if you want to speak to someone outside of your family or school, you can call Childline on 0800 1111. It’s free, and you don’t have to say your name if you don’t want to.

What About Everyone Else?

Sometimes your friends or even family members might not know what to say. They might avoid talking about your parents' divorce because they’re worried it’ll upset you. That doesn’t mean they don’t care—it just means they might be unsure how to help.

You can take the first step if you feel ready. Try saying:

🗨 “I feel a bit sad about my parents.”

🗨 “Can we talk about something fun to cheer me up?”

Most people will be happy you told them how you’re feeling and will want to support you in the way you need.